Unbearable Truth
by NightingaleTear
Summary: Minerva feels there's something wrong with her husband and decides that she needs to know. But what if the truth is simply unbearable? Set during Half-Blood Prince.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Minerva feels there's something wrong with her husband and decides that she needs to know. But what if the truth is simply unbearable? Set during Half-Blood Prince.

Author's Note: This is my take on how Minerva would deal with Albus' impending death because in my Harry Potter universe they are secretly married, of course ;)

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all its characters belong to J.K. Rowling who is a genius – as we all know ;)

**Unbearable Truth**

Minerva McGonagall woke from her uneasy slumber when a silent noise reached her ears. She opened her eyes and needed a few seconds to orientate herself. She sat in Albus' favourite armchair near the fireplace in his office, and apparently, she had dozed off quite a while ago because the light of the fire was almost extinguished.

It was pretty dark around her, but Minerva didn't need lights to recognize the silhouette of her husband. His entering had probably caused the noise that had woken her up. But Minerva was grateful for that. After all, it had been her intention to wait for Albus, but fatigue had almost thwarted her efforts.

While her husband reached for his wand to light the flames anew, Minerva rose to greet him.

"Albus, you're back." She gave him a short kiss.

"Minerva, what are you doing here? I told you it would get late and that you shouldn't wait for my return," Albus replied however.

"You were gone for three days. I missed you. It happens you know," Minerva defended herself although missing her husband was more like a permanent condition these days.

Albus' expression softened. "I know. I am sorry. I just don't want you to work yourself up because of me."

Minerva snorted. "It's a bit late for that. But don't worry about me. I'm fine. Now," she took his travelling cloak from him to put it away and then conjured two cups of tea up for them. "is there any point in asking you where you have been off to?"

Albus' silence was the answer she had expected. He merely moved to sit in the second armchair and reached for his teacup with his left hand – as he always did ever since he had rendered his right hand practically useless.

"Didn't think so." Minerva reached for her teacup as well and intended to let go of the matter. But she couldn't.

"If you at least told me what it is you are looking for," she complained instead and set her cup down again. "There are so many people who could help you. Or don't you trust the members of the Order you personally handpicked? Don't you trust me?"

Albus' eyes met hers and she could see how tired he was – both, physically and emotionally. "We both know that I trust you with my life," he replied silently.

"Yes, your life, maybe your heart, but not with what's on your mind," Minerva added, fully aware that the 'maybe' part would hurt him, but she was hurting as well.

"There are just some things which are not meant to be shared."

They looked at each other and Minerva shook her head. "Fine, then never mind what you're looking for – tell me what you did to your hand."

Albus sighed. "We already talked about that, Minerva, every single day since it happened, I might add."

"No, we didn't _talk_, Albus. I asked and you said nothing. But I'm your wife. If you're not telling me where you're going and what you're doing, I at least have the right to know how you hurt yourself!" She was well aware that they had been at this point a thousand times already, but that knowledge didn't keep her from asking.

"I am tired. I will go to bed," Albus however replied and got up.

"Albus!" Minerva rose as well. "Why do you insist on deliberately hurting the both of us?"

He looked at her and this time she did regret her words because there was so much pain and guilt in Albus' eyes that Minerva would have done anything to relieve him.

"You know there is nothing I want less than seeing you hurt, Minerva, but at this point there is just no other way," Albus said in that matching pain-stricken voice. "Good night, my Love," he added and vanished into their bedroom.

Minerva was left alone with her fears which each day threatened to overwhelm her eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

"Albus? Albus!"

Minerva gently shook her husband who seemed to have fallen asleep right on top of his desk. At her touch he awoke with a start and blinking, adjusted his glasses.

"What happened?" Minerva demanded to know though it wasn't exactly hard to guess. But she wanted him to admit that he was overstraining himself.

"It seems I took a short nap," Albus replied with a feeble smile.

"You fell asleep at your desk, Albus!"

He started shuffling around with a few documents. "Well, it is late."

"It's seven thirty! You've only just missed dinner. Is that the reason why you didn't attend it recently? Because you fell asleep?"

"Of course not, I had to work."

Minerva shook her head in exasperation. "You have to rest, Albus, preferably in a bed."

He remained just as stubborn. "I will rest when I have the time, Minerva."

"Albus, your body is telling you something! You can't go on like this much longer. What could be more important than your health?" But that was a stupid question really.

"You know the answer to that, Minerva," Albus indeed replied.

"Oh, so you're fighting you-know-who by falling asleep at your desk?" she snapped.

"Minerva…" Whatever Albus had intended to say, he broke off because he had absent-mindedly raised his blackened right hand and a sharp pain seemed to have shot through him.

"Albus, are you alright?" Minerva asked at once and stepped closer though she had absolutely no idea what to do. "Should I alert Poppy?"

"No." Albus closed his eyes for a moment and then rose. "But I think it would be a good idea to pay Severus a short visit."

"Severus?" Minerva was too stunned to say anything else before her husband was already gone.

But when he came back, she was ready. "This is it, Albus! Severus knows what's going on and I don't?"

"Please, Minerva, we've been over the whole Severus issue even more often than over the rest." Albus sounded as tired as never before.

"That was when I still thought that everything between you two was about Severus' past, Potter or you-know-who. But if he knows something about you, I don't? I really don't want to get upset, Albus, but something like this… it's killing me!"

Minerva looked at her husband and was shocked to see that her own pain was reflected in his eyes, only a thousand times intensified. Albus was not only hurting far worse than she was; there was also that terrible guilt in his eyes whenever he looked at her these days. It was that guilt that scared Minerva half to death because she just didn't know why he would feel so guilty. And she felt that she couldn't go on any longer, not knowing…

"Albus," her voice was trembling, "you've got to tell me what's going on with you and your hand or I swear in the name of Merlin, I will jump right out of that window because it can't hurt any more than it currently does."

"Can't you just believe me when I tell you, it would indeed hurt much more than it does right now?" Albus asked silently.

Minerva shook her head. "No, not this time. Please, Albus…"

He looked silently at her for a very long time. Finally, he said, "I am dying."

"What?"

"I am carrying a curse. Severus managed to restrain it to my right hand for the time-being. But it is spreading and there stands reason to believe that I will not live to see the end of this year," Albus explained.

Minerva heard his words and at the same time didn't. It seemed her brain was incapable of processing them. "No, you're joking." It wasn't a question.

Albus sighed heavily. "I think we both know I would never do such a cruel thing to us voluntarily."

"No, no, no!" It was all Minerva could think of saying because she wasn't really thinking at all. She felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under her. There was no more ground beneath her feet, only free fall.

Her knees buckled under her and she collapsed, only that the expected pain upon crashing onto the floor never came because she landed as soft as if on a pillow. But this time Minerva wasn't grateful for Albus' magical abilities. She wanted to feel the pain because she needed to feel something, anything. Right now she wasn't even crying because she was too numb. That was all that seemed to be left inside of her – an all swallowing numbness.

Eventually, Minerva felt how Albus' arms wrapped around her, but this time there was no warmth in his embrace only more pain. Still, she wanted to remain like this – feeling nothing, doing nothing and especially not thinking ahead because all of a sudden there was no ahead anymore. But part of her knew, of course, that going against time was not possible and that she should rather use the time that was still left to her.

"How?" Minerva finally managed to ask. It was a bit cryptic but she knew Albus would understand.

"Let us just say, it served its purpose by making Voldemort a tad more vulnerable in the process," was her husband's reply and part of Minerva wanted to complain about still not being told the truth. But the knowledge of the impending doomsday finally managed to keep her temper in check.

"How much longer?"

"Well, it is no exact science. But as I said before, this will be my last year as acting headmaster of this school. It should however give me enough time to prepare Harry."

Minerva flinched. "And what about me?"

Albus' eyes became sad again. "I am sorry, Minerva. I never wanted to hurt you, but it seems it is all I ever did to you. For your sake, I wish I had more time left."

"For my sake?" Minerva straightened up a bit. "What about you? Are you saying you don't mind at all that you're dying?"

Albus caressed her cheek and smiled. "Well, I stand by what I always said. For the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"Oh shut up!" Minerva almost sounded like her usual self again which was probably why Albus chuckled.

"And it's not true," she then however continued in a soft voice. "Hurting me is not everything you ever did. You made my life worth living… I cannot accept the thought of you leaving me."

"I know it is hard. But I also happen to be sure that you will be doing fine without me. You are the strongest woman I know, Minerva."

"Only because I have you."

"No." Albus looked very grave again. "I was always painfully aware that I took more strength away from you than I was ever able to give you back in return."

Minerva started to shake her head, but Albus wouldn't let her because he took her face in his hands. "Please, Minerva, I do not think I could live or rather die with the knowledge of having destroyed you completely. You have to promise me to move on without me."

Minerva's eyes widened since she couldn't (or wouldn't) move any other part of her face. "How could I promise you that? You were the centre of my life since I was… about eleven years old!"

Albus sighed heavily. "Yes, I am painfully aware of that as well."

"Painfully?" Minerva felt her already numb insides turn stone-cold. "You mean if you could go back in time you would change everything?"

Her husband looked at her solemnly for a very long time. "Only to save you from hurting so badly," he finally replied. "You cannot imagine how much I wish I could save you."

Minerva dropped her gaze when the pain of his words stung despite her numbness. But eventually she looked up at him again. "I would rather hurt for the rest of my life than never have been your wife at all because I don't regret anything. And I wish you wouldn't either."

"It is only for your sake that I regret the choices I made," Albus said and caressed her cheek.

"Well, then don't!" Minerva snapped, but calmed down immediately. "We can't change time anyway and… apparently, we cannot stop it either. And I refuse to think about the past or the future. The only way for me to survive this is to focus on the here and now in which I have you with me and am able to love you – if I can tear you away from your work, that is."

Albus shook his head. "Do not mind that now. For tonight I am all yours, my Love."

"Just for tonight, huh?" Minerva couldn't keep herself from asking.

"And in every other second I can spare," Albus added. "But you know that there are things I have to take care of before I die."

Minerva nodded gravely. "And I am not the most important one." Her husband opened his mouth to reply something, but she didn't let him. "No, it's okay. I understand. I always did. I won't stop doing so now, I hope."

"What is there I can do to ease your pain, at least for right now?" Albus asked.

Minerva smiled sadly. "Just love me."

But when Albus pulled her closer with his uninjured hand, Minerva knew there was nothing in the world that could ease her pain. She could and would enjoy being with him now, feeling his warmth, his kiss, his love. But there was just no way for her mind to stop thinking ahead, to not be aware that this could be last time she was with Albus – the last time he soothed her with his calm voice, the last time he held her, the last time he kissed her. From now on, everything between them would be bittersweet at best.

And when the day would come, the day when Albus would leave her for good, Minerva knew he would take her bleeding heart with him. No matter how many more years she was destined to live without him, she would only be half alive. And she would only rejoice again when being reunited with Albus.

Until then, the hole in her chest where her heart had been would continue bleeding.


End file.
